The more I learn, the more I realize we love to complicate things. I will often ask the clients I work with, what does therapy mean? … And most are stumped.
To me, therapy means change. It means that we take the time to pause and see whether we are moving towards or away from the things that are important to us. Once we know, then we get to make some decisions whether we want to do differently.
It sounds simple and yet it can be really confusing. Why? Well, when we move towards the things that are important to us, it usually stirs up emotions like anxiety, guilt, sadness, hopelessness… just to name a few. And when we feel these intensely, it’s common for us to cope by avoiding that discomfort.
We avoid in lots of different ways… isolating ourselves, avoiding difficult conversations, distracting ourselves from our emotions, numbing out through substances or other harmful behaviours. The problem is that when we avoid the discomfort of emotions, we move away from what is important and then we feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or shameful about the way we coped.
If there is one thing I want you to take away from the time you invested reading this here today, it is this: it makes perfect sense that you feel the way you feel. And it makes perfect sense that the way you are managing provides both relief from the pain AND is, at times, making things worse. Confusing right? And this is where therapy helps.
Therapy provides a space where we can begin to look at these patterns and understand them from a different perspective. We begin to see them for what they are and untangle them from the judgment and self-blame that often keeps us stuck. And when we leave the judgment at the door and get compassionately curious, this is where the real change happens. This is therapy.
Stay curious,
Erin